Im at strip club and am horny
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
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