Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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