I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
