using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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