That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
