Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Drunk is a universal language darling
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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