Will you blow on my dice?
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
