dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
