whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Randomize
