Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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