It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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