i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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