hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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