At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
She told me I should be a condom model.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
40s are totally the cure
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize