I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
