He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Randomize