I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
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