You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
