nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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