I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
