There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
