i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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