He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
