You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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