The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
