Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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