I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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