I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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