I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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