I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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