I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
