he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
