she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
