Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I'm always down for nudity.
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