and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
i drank out of a bidet.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize