Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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