My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize
