i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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