oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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