i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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