anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
