I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
