Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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