So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize