Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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