They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
did i just pee glitter
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
