I got chris browned last night
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Randomize
