also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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