i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
