Plan B is the new Plan A
Small penises have feelings too.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
