Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
