There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
