Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize