Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
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