My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
