i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
