I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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