I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
