I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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