thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize