it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
