It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
