Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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