is your mom at the bar?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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