So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
