I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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