But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
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