allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
