Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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