Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
